The Ashes is a contest that is steeped in tradition, but for England, the battle against Australia in the land down under has turned into a nightmare of the highest order. The tourists haven’t managed a single victory on Aussie soil since they famously won the 2010/11 series by three wins to one. Since then, they have been unceremoniously routed, losing 13 of the 15 tests they have played, with the other two finishing as draws.
This winter – or summer if you’re Australian – the Ashes returns. And if you’re English, feel free to wince, as the contest will be taking place on enemy territory.
Trips down under have brought England nothing but pain over the last decade and a half, and online sports betting sites feel like that misery could continue later this year. Websites offering sports betting online currently make the Aussies a -175 favorite to cling onto the urn for an 11th straight year, with England priced as +265 outsiders.
And considering the defeats they have endured over the years, those odds should be somewhat unsurprising. England fans, look away now, because here are the worst of them.
2006/07 Second Test, Adelaide – A Collapse for the Ages
Back in 2006, England headed down under with very real hopes of winning The Ashes on enemy territory for the first time since 1987. In 2005, they regained the urn on home turf in perhaps the greatest test series ever played.
18 months later, the likes of Andrew Flintoff, Kevin Pietersen, and Andrew Strauss went into the lion’s den looking to emerge victorious.
That distant dream of ending a two-decade-long drought had a rude awakening in the first test in Brisbane, indeed on the first ball of the series.
Steve Harmison’s opener couldn’t have been any wider, ultimately ending up in the hands of second slip and setting the stage for what was to come. England were brutally dismantled, beaten by a mighty 277 runs. But it was the second test in Adelaide that was one of the most painful of all time.
Coming off that heavy defeat at the Gabba, the tourists arrived under pressure but seemed to gain the upper hand over the first three days. Batting first, Flintoff’s side posted a commanding 551-6 declared in their first innings, built on twin centuries from Paul Collingwood and Kevin Pietersen.
It was a declaration of intent, and with Australia restricted to 513 in their first innings, England appeared poised to seize the initiative.
However, what followed was nothing short of a debacle. England utterly collapsed in their second innings, managing a mere 129 all out midway through day five. Shane Warne suffocated an anxious batting line-up, taking four wickets for just 49 runs and setting the stage for Australia to complete a historic comeback.
The hosts had just three hours to chase down the 167 runs required for victory, but they immediately got after the task at hand. A quickfire 49 from captain Ricky Ponting set the tone, before Mr. Cricket himself, Mike Hussey, took over.
He racked up 61 runs off just 66 balls to hand his side a five-wicket victory, and they would go on to regain the Ashes in a 5-0 series whitewash.
2013/14 First Test, Brisbane – The Beginning Of The Rout
Fast forward seven years and England once again returned to Australia with high hopes of retaining the Ashes. Their 3-0 series win at home just months prior set the stage for potential dominance, yet from the opening moments in Brisbane, nothing went as planned.
After restricting Australia to a modest 295 in the first innings, England’s confidence was high. However, that was quickly obliterated once they had the bat in hand. Fiery spells from Mitchell Johnson ripped through the batting lineup, as he dismissed opener Michael Carberry, star of the 2010/11 series, Jonathan Trott, and new young hero Joe Root in quick succession. The left-arm pace bowler would go on to become England’s tormentor throughout the series, and he was the primary reason why the visitors were bowled out for a paltry 136.
Australia’s second innings, bolstered by explosive efforts from Brad Haddin and a rampant David Warner, saw them declare on 401-7. Chasing an improbable target of 561, England managed only 179.
Johnson collected nine wickets in the match, and England’s inability to mount any serious resistance saw the hosts secure a crushing 381-run victory. The Gabba humbling sent shockwaves through the English camp and heralded a second Ashes whitewash in three tours down under.
2021/22 Third Test, Melbourne – The Final Nail In The Coffin
If the Brisbane Tests of 2006 and 2013 were harsh lessons in the unforgiving nature of Australian conditions, Melbourne’s Boxing Day Test in December 2021 delivered an even more damning verdict on England’s inability to compete in hostile environments.
Coming into the Test already 2-0 down in the series, hopes were faint for Joe Root’s side, and the events that unfolded shattered any visions the visitors had of a miraculous comeback.
Opting to bat first, England’s innings was nothing short of a disaster. Dismal shot selection, coupled with precision bowling from Pat Cummins, Mitchell Starc, and Scott Boland, resulted in a measly total of just 185.
Australia responded with 267, taking a commanding first-innings lead, but Root’s men still had hope they could overturn the 78-run deficit. But what transpired thereafter was the culmination of their decade-long struggle on Australian soil.
England were bundled out for a meager 68 in just 27.4 overs, with Boland taking 6 wickets for just 7 runs. The total remains one of England’s lowest in Ashes history, and the innings-and-14-runs defeat not only secured Australia the series but inflicted a blow to England’s psyche that resonates to this day. Whether that ghost can be banished this winter remains to be seen.
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